CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her? CROWD: Burn her! Burn! BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a witch? VILLAGER #2: She looks like one. BEDEMIR: Bring her forward. WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one. WITCH: They dressed me up like this. CROWD: No, we didn't... no. WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one. BEDEMIR: Well? VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose. BEDEMIR: The nose? VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch! CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her! BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this? CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit. VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart. BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a witch? VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt. BEDEMIR: A newt? VILLAGER #3: I got better. VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway! CROWD: Burn! Burn her! BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. CROWD: Are there? What are they? BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches? VILLAGER #2: Burn! CROWD: Burn, burn them up! BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches? VILLAGER #1: More witches! VILLAGER #2: Wood! BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn? [pause] VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...? BEDEMIR: Good! CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah... BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her. BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone? VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah. BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water? VILLAGER #1: No, no. VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats! VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond! CROWD: The pond! BEDEMIR: What also floats in water? VILLAGER #1: Bread! VILLAGER #2: Apples! VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks! VILLAGER #1: Cider! VILLAGER #2: Great gravy! VILLAGER #1: Cherries! VILLAGER #2: Mud! VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches! VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead! ARTHUR: A duck. CROWD: Oooh. BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically..., VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood. BEDEMIR: And therefore--? VILLAGER #1: A witch! CROWD: A witch! BEDEMIR: We shall use my larger scales! [yelling] BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports! [whop] [creak] CROWD: A witch! A witch! WITCH: It's a fair cop. CROWD: Burn her! Burn! [yelling] BEDEMIR: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? ARTHUR: I am Arthur, King of the Britons. BEDEMIR: My liege! ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot, and join us at the Round Table? BEDEMIR: My liege! I would be honored. ARTHUR: What is your name? BEDEMIR: Bedemir, my leige. ARTHUR: Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table.