Tim Minchin’s “If I Didn’t Have You”

I ran across this one facebook, and laughed my ass off… And it somehow seems oddly appropriate for me to post…

Yep yeah
If I didn’t have you

If I didn’t have you to hold me tight
(If I didn’t have you)
If I didn’t have you to lie with at night
(When I’m feeling blue)
If I didn’t have you to share my sights
(Share my sights)
And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry…

Well I, really think that I would…

Have somebody else.

(If I didn’t have you)
If I didn’t have you, someone else would do
Your love is one in a million
(One in a million)
You couldnt buy it at any price
(Can’t buy love)

But of the 9 point 9 hundred thousand other loves,
Statistically some of them would be  equally nice.

(Equally nice)

Or maybe not as nice but say, smarter than you…
Or dumber but better at sport or…
Tracing

I’m just saying
(I really think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else)

Yeah.

(If I didn’t have you)
If I didn’t have you someone else would do
(Someone else would surely do)

If I were a rich man
And did a diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddly
I guess I would be with a surgeon or a model
Or any of the royals or a kennedy
Or a nymphomonical exhibitionist heiress to a large chain of hotels

If I were a rich man maybe I would fiddle
Fiddle diddle diddle with the  rich man girls

I’m not saying that I’d not love you if I was wealthy or handsome
But realistically there’s lots of fish in the sea
And if I had a different rod I would concievably land some

Even though I am fiscally consistantly pitiable
And considerably less brad pitt than brad pitiful
And I’m really so poor and ugly that you reckon only you could possibly love me
And I
(Really think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else)
Oh yeah

Visual.

(If I didn’t have you)
(Someone else would surely do)

Look, I’m not undervaluing what we’ve got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate,
It’s obstruse to deduse that I’ve found my soulmate at the age of 17
It’s just mathematically unlikely that at a university in perth
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me

And if I may conjecture a further objection love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened the  affection simply grows over time
Like a flower
Or a mushroom
Or a guinea pig
Or a vine
Or a sponge
Or bigotry

… or a banana (banana)

And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and synergy
And symbiotic empathy or something like that…

So I trust it would go without saying
That I would feel really very sad if tomorrow you were to fall off something high
Or catch something bad

But I’m just saying
I don’t think you’re special
I mean… I think your special
But
You fall within a bell curve

I mean, I’m just saying I
(Think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else)

I think you are unique and beautiful
You make me happy just by being around
(Being around)
But objectively you would have to agree that baby when I found you
Options are relatively thin on the ground
(Thin on the ground)
Your lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
Or maybe more open to spanking or scrabble…
I’m just saying

(That I think that I would)
Probably
(Have somebody else)
I mean I reckon it’s pretty likely that if for example
My first girlfriend jackie hadn’t dumped me
After I kissed winstons ex girlfriend neah at stephs party back in 1993

And our variables would probably have been altered by the absence of that event
To have meant the advent of a tangential narrative and which we don’t meet.

Which is to say there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life
Where what is is not as it is and I am not your husband and you are not my wife

And I am a stuntman living in LA
Married to a small blonde portugese skier
Who when she’s not training
Does abstract painting
Practises yoga
And brews her own beer
And really like making  home movies
And suffers neck down alopecia

But with all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is  true
I have just one life and just one love and love that love is you
And if it wasn’t for you
Baby you
(I really think that I would)
(Have somebody else)
Oh yeah
(If I didn’t have you)
If I didn’t have you someone else would do
(Someone else would surely do)
Dooooooooooooo.

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About Rodibidably

Jeff Randall is a frequent volunteer for free-thought organizations, including the Center For Inquiry – DC. Having been blogging since January 2008, he decided that a community of bloggers would be an interesting new experience (or at the very least a fun way to annoy his friends into reading his posts more frequently). Since finding out about about the existence of, and then joining, the atheist/skeptic community in 2007 he has been committed to community activism, critical thinking in all aspects of life, science, reason, and a fostering a secular society.
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